Ask A Dick: All’s Fair In Love & Porn

Porno is the shit. This isn’t a new or incredible revelation, especially to men, but it’s still worth being noted. Ladies, you need to get on board.

Men are so visual that they even invented porno camera angles for us. You know that weird double-flesh arch angle that is often accompanied with
that great two-cupped hands clapping sound that they edit in? Pure genius! Someone should win a fucking choreography award for coming up
with that.

Not all porn is that shit though.

Why not put on some decent porn while you are fucking your respective other? You’ve always wanted to spin your girl, right? Put some spinner shit on the big screen. Tired of the same old hand job? Put on one of those videos where the girl’s hands blur because they are going faster than the film speed.

As men we really should be better ambassadors of porno. We tend to hoard our smut and not talk about it, but no more! Go tell your girl or guy (or both) what kind of videos of people fucking you like to watch.

Target Practice

I am a 25 year old heterosexual man and have been with an awesome girl for 2 years now. They sex is really pretty great, but there is one thing that has always bothered me. When she is blowing me she never lets me cum on her face. She will let me blow it in her mouth or on her chest, but for whatever reason she thinks it is degrading to lay it on her face. Is there anything I can do to change her mind?

~Wanting to Face Plant

Well, isn’t that shit supposed to be degrading? The pussy is always greener, or something like that, right? Look, be glad your lady will swallow and spit and whatever. If your only complaint is this shit, shut the fuck up.

Another Notch In The Belt

So, I have been with my girlfriend now for awhile and we recently had the discussion on how many sexual partners we each had. My number is 5 and I thought that was pretty reasonable. Then, she told me her number. It is over 100! I was really kind of shaken by this. I feel that she has always been faithful to me, but I just don’t know how to feel about this.

~Numbers Man

Is this even a problem? Seriously, two guys in a row looking for problems. So you are saying she knows how to fuck, only fucks you, and it makes your emotional pussy bleed? Well, for some reason this girl thinks you are awesome. Go with it, or you will lose her. People pick up on that insecurity shit, and she will look at you as weak and leave your baby ass.

Hats Off!

I am a 21 year old girl who just broke up with my boyfriend. We only dated for a few months and it was nice, but I am writing you because of how we broke up. We were having sex using a condom, but in the middle of it he pulled it off and tried to continue. I noticed pretty quickly and kicked him out. I broke it off with him the next day. He begged, but I  didn’t care. I am still pretty upset about this. I was wondering if my outrage is justified?

~Slight of Hand

The short answer is yes. Fuck that twerp. First off, this guy is a little dummy. Everyone knows that fucking without a condom feels so much goddamn better that you will notice instantly. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Safe sex blah blah blah safe stable relationship only if you are ready blah, but if sex with a condom is a turkey sandwich, sex without a condom is FUCKING WITHOUT A CONDOM. Anyway, you should be pissed. I’d even say you should tell everyone that he is a sack of shit.